Mas'ey Limerick

This weeks Parasha, Mas'ey, begins with a travelogue, of sorts.  Moses lists all of the places where the Israelites have encamped up to this point.  It then switches gears and Moses relays God’s command to destroy all of the remnants of the Caananites in the land of Israel – both people and religious shrines.  It then goes on to delineate the real estate ascribed to each tribe in the land.  Special cities of refuge are to be created for people who accidentally commit murder.  It concludes with both a geographic reminder of the current location of the Israelites – on the steppes of Moab – across from Jericho – and the conclusion of the story of the daughters of Tzelofchad who were granted the ability to inherit the land of their fathers – as long as they didn’t marry anyone from another tribe.  Here is their story:

Zelophchad he had daughters five

Whose inheritance kept them alive

But to find a good man

They Must look in their clan

If Mennaseh was to survive

Mattot Limerick

This week's parsha, Mattot, has some difficult passages. It contains the laws of vows and the consequences for failing to carry them out. It also speaks about how women are not responsible for fulfilling vows if their husbands or fathers do not want them to.
We then plunge head first into battle with the Midianites- defeating them, taking their valuables and killing off their males- but sparing the women. If you will recall from last week, the Midianite women were the ones who caused so much havoc in the camp. Moses was angry that they were spared. We then learn how three tribes: Gad, Menasseh and Reuven, make a deal with Moses that they will fight to conquer the Land of Canaan, but they won't settle on the West Bank of the Jordan.

Gad, Mennaseh and Reuven,
Thought the Jordan’s East Bank was a’groovin
So they said they’d fight first
Bear the brunt of the worst
But their Cattle and kids they weren’t movin'.

Pinchas Limerick

This week's parasha is named after Pinchas who, at then end of last week's parasha, saves the Israelites from ruin in a graphic and violent action. The Midianites tried to Seduce the Israelites by sending their women to commit lewd and lascivious acts with the Israelite men. By all accounts, they were successful. Cozbi, the daughter of a Midianite priest and Zimri, the prince of the tribe of Shimon, got so carried away that they performed a sexual act in front of the Tabernacle. Pinchas, in a rage, impaled them both through the "stomach" (euphemism alert) and was rewarded for his actions.

Pinchas, he got his reward
For zealous use of the sword
He made everything right
For the Israelites
When Cozbi and Zimri got gored

Balak Limerick

This week's parasha tells the story of Balak, the Moabite king who hired the pagan prophet, Bilam to curse the Israelites. Bilam, as the story goes, could only say the words that God put in his mouth. As a result, instead of cursing, he gave us the beautiful blessing: Mah tovu ohalecha Yaakov, mishkenotecha Yisrael! How goodly are your tents, oh Jacob, your dwelling places, Israel!
I love the fact that when we are beginning our prayers with these words we are quoting a gentile.
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Balak, he tried to suppress
The power that Israel possessed
He hired Bilam
To curse them and run
But instead of a curse they got blessed